Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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