just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
