I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
