idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
