If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
