yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
