Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I cut my penus on the lid.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
