She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
