He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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