A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
