You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
