margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
