I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
