Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
