it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
