You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
