A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
