You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
