My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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