k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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