Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
