I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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