MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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