This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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