I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
