happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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