This is not my ceiling
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
