I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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