I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
