If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I puked a lego.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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