apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
