you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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