don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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