please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
