I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
