ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm really busy with my period
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