Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We are two peas in an std pod
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
