there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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