I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
