Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
