final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
