shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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