I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Randomize
