we were pretty classy up until the second keg
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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