I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
