She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
