do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
