I am puke
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
