I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
