You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
