Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
