Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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