he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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