Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
