I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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