I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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