A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
