i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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